Five Loaves and Two Fish

Hello all,

I do not know where I last updated everyone on us, but I'll hit some bullet points.

- We are finally settled into our new place. The old has gone and the new has come. Praise Jesus. Hallelujah

- School started back for me. I am only taking two classes: Microbiology and Human Anatomy and Physiology II. I'm enjoying them because of content, not enjoying driving to Birmingham twice a week. So. Much. Gas.

- Football is back which makes me extremely happy.

- My birthday and our NYC trip is less than 3 weeks away!!!!!!!

Okay, that should be it. What I really want to talk about is my heart and the amazing night I had last night. 

Let me start off by saying, if there is something Jesus wants you to be at, to hear from him, to learn, and to grow, the devil will do anything and everything in his power to make it so that you don't get there. I mean why would he want you to grow? He just wants to steal, kill, and destroy you. Growing in the Lord is not in his gameplan. 

Well for about a month now, I've had a sweet friend who has kept asking and encouraging and asking and asking and asking if I wanted to go this all girls night at Passion City Church. I was hesitant at first for some unknown reason but I said yes. For the past week and a half, I have been DREADING going to this Monday night event. I blamed it on feeling sick (because well I have), but in my heart I was just kind of blah to the whole thing, and wanted to stay home and watch American Ninja Warrior. I mean I know Jesus shows up at PCC but I didn't want to. Nothing against my Buddy, I just didn't want to be there. Can you guys see where the Enemy pulled strings to try to make me miss out on what was going to happen. But, I am a firm believer that if you say you will do something, do it. Suck it up and go. So I left, kinda cranky, showed up kinda cranky, my friends didn't show up at the time we all said and I waited around for 20 min( maybe more, maybe less but I was cranky, nonetheless). There are thousands of women. Yes. Thousands. There was so much estrogen, it was unreal. So I was unhappy, but my friends showed up, I was truly glad to see them and spend time with them, and I knew I was going to encounter Jesus (I mean I showed up barely willingly, shouldn't he show up too?), so that made me perk up a little. We started out sitting on the floor, but then this woman said, "Hey, I have an extra three seats, a friend backed out." 

Let me just say, if you are even a little bit willing (that was me, only a little bit willing at this point), Jesus will start to show up and show off. We had ridiculously awesome seats (Thanks J-man). It started, worship was good, I met with Jesus and I was glad even for the 10 minutes I was there that I came. Just to meet with Jesus and thank Him in song was enough for me. But like I said, when you let Him, He shows up and shows off. Well then they introduce the speaker. They were a little smug about it, because NOONE knew who was coming. Just thousands of chicks show up to meet with Jesus and not know the speaker. Well, they introduce Christine Caine. So, yeah, suck it devil. Christine is a person I admire. I had to answer a question at an old job like who is your role model/who do you look up to sort of question and Christine Caine was my answer. Her passion and zeal for Jesus is unreal and contagious.

So she starts talking, and I hang onto every word, because I know she is genuine, full of faith, and hears from God, and maybe, just maybe, He was going to speak to me through her.

Let me also stop right here and telling you about what's been going on inside my heart and head lately. I've felt a lack of purpose. I am in school, but now I have to wait almost a whole year before I can start nursing school, due to start dates in each school. I sit at home. I'm discouraged at doing nursing because I am already tired of driving to Birmingham twice a week. And I've said before, I don't really have anything that I'm spectacular at. Mostly, how am I going to benefit society, the Kingdom, how am I going to be fulfilled, what's my calling, many questions, doubts, and fears of not living to the fullest.

WELL guess what Chris talked about? ALL OF THAT. So as you can imagine, I'm bawling my eyes out. But my favorite part( well maybe not but I woke up thinking about it this morning) was when she was talking about how foolish do we have to be/look to follow Christ. She brought up the greats like Noah, David, Esther, etc, BUT then she threw in the story of a boy who brought is lunch up to Jesus and Jesus fed 15,000 people (the Bible says 5,000 but in those times, it was only the men who were counted. So factoring in women and children, 15,000 might even be a bit conservative). All these people came to hear Jesus, and they were hungry. And ONE little boy said, "Hey Jesus, I know it's not much, but here is my lunch. It's only five loaves, and two fish." And you know what Jesus did, He blessed it. He used it. A little boy's lunch. Come on now. Talk about encouragement. I've got a lunch I can give. 

So I am encouraged now. I am an ordinary woman, with nothing particularly special about me, and Jesus wants to use me. I have no idea in which fashion, but I am willing to say yes. Yes, Jesus, here are my five loaves and two fish. It's seemingly insignificant, but with You, oh but with You, it can feed 15,000. So that's my prayer. Hopefully some encouragement.

From the extra ordinary,

Belle

An Embodiment of Grace

Hello all,

Life has been pretty great recently. Finished school, and we got an apartment that we love. love. love. I visited a dear friend in Indiana and had a magnificent time. Sometimes you just need a little girl time, goat shows, raspberry pickings, and a lot of laughs and a couple of tears.

BUT this blog post has nothing (good) to do with me and everything good to do with my husband. You see, Zane, has looked like Jesus a lot to me this past month. I have screwed up in a ton of ways, and the way he has reacted has taught me a whole lot about our Savior than I think he intended. Let's take a look into our messy lives.

School has overwhelmed me some this summer. I get a little frazzled when some weeks are ridiculous. So sometimes I look at the clock and its 5:30pm, we have NO groceries, and Zane will be home within an hour and he is expecting some sort of dinner/food. So dinner either turns out to be spaghetti, or some terrible concoction of balsamic vinegar (love that stuff) and some spices we have lying around. And you know how Zane responds in my lack of wifehood at that moment. Grace. He eats it. He doesn't complain. He kisses the top of my head and thanks me for making dinner (even though it's probably the second time that week I've made balsamic vinegar chicken and it's only Tuesday).

Another time, I've got a babysitting gig. As I was leaving, the garage malfunctioned and Tobias ended up being outside for 6 hours. When I got home, I was a wreck because I couldn't find the cat. I called Zane, bawling my eyes out. You know how Zane responded, Grace. Talked me through finding Tobias. Never once getting frustrated that I let his little buddy out. (We found him, Ha-le-lu-jahhhh).

Last Friday, I was coming home from class, I grazed a curb and blew a tire. It's $150 to replace a tire. I was crying and so upset(this was the second time in a month that it happened). 150 bucks is a lot of cash(twice). You know what Zane did? Showed me extreme Grace. He consoled me and we still got to go to the movie that night, even though we just dropped $150 on a new tire.

Over and over again, I fail, and over and over again, Zane responds with grace. Every time it looks like Jesus. Every time he reacts this way, I see Jesus. It points me more to Jesus. I see the way Jesus responds to me when I mess up with him. A husband is supposed to be a reflection of Christ. Zane is that. He makes me more thankful for the grace of Christ. He embodies that grace.

Vivian

I am not a Duck

I'm pretty frustrated at society.

You see, I am the type of person who wears her heart on her sleeve. My feelings get hurt when people say mean or horrible things about me to my face(or even behind my back and then someone tells me what they say), or if they do something mean to me, directly or indirectly.  Now, my heart on my sleeve can also be a good thing. It allows me to have compassion and joy and every other emotion in every circumstances and I love it! So when someone says or does something negatively to me, it hurts. I mean HURTS. It doesn't have to be anything even serious, by I still am almost always succumbed to tears.

And what makes me frustrated at society is that I am told to "let it roll off my back like a duck", "take it with a grain of salt", or "brush it off". Like it's that easy. I hate the phrases. I know they mean to not give credit to the things that are happening, but hear me out.

-"Be like a duck, let it roll off your back" This could be great advice, except it's not. A duck doesn't get into water and stay dry the whole time. The water starts to roll of it's back when it's already wet. Therefore, this saying states that after you've been "wet" for a bit (be it negative words or actions towards you), you have already been immersed in it. The next drop of water just rolls off your back because you are already wet. I think it's stupid advice. "Don't let what that person say bother you, because you've already been immersed and told these things." This is just saying that of course it's going to roll off your back because you already believe it about yourself.

-"Take it with a grain of salt". I don't understand this phrasing either. I also think it's stupid. When something wounds me and I "take it with a grain of salt" it's just saying here is a piece of salt to rub in your wound. Well that's ridiculous. Have you ever had salt put into a fresh wound. That HURTS.

-"brush it off" Have you ever seen a little kid fall down and the adult there says "brush it off? You're okay!" Well that's great, but what do you get when the dirt is brush away, a scrape mostly. You can brush off the dirt, but underneath there is still a wound.

I hate these phrases, basically it's your job to not let words get you down. It's almost impossible to let that happen. The seed is already there. Why can't it be the job of people to not be mean or say hurtful things? It's ridiculous. The Bible says that "the tongue has the power of life and death." (proverbs 18:21). So, of course, when someone says something completely negative to or about you, it feels like death.

People are going to say/do hurtful things, that's inevitable. But instead of doing something passive like just taking it or letting it go, I say we fight back. The tongue has the power of LIFE! We should counteract these negative things with words of life and words of truth. There are many things in the Bible that lift you up. There are wounds with the negativity but spoken truth, and life words are like ointment that heals. Sometimes it's difficult to apply it to myself. Sometimes I need someone else who believes in me to say something encouraging or uplifting. I think that's okay, too.

So, next time I (or maybe anyone) say, "This/that hurt me" or something along those lines, please don't tell me to "brush it off" or "be like a duck". Those phrases do not help. They make me feel useless and weak and even more down because I can't just turn off my emotions to a negative attack. Instead say something along the lines of "I'm sorry that happened, but do you know what the Lord says about you? (Insert one or all the beautiful and true things the Lord says about his beloved here)." Those words soothe and calm and heal.

The Storm is Coming

Hello everybody.

Life is starting to slow down for the Franklins. By slow down, I mean not as crazy as it was a week ago :) Still crazy, and still full of ultimate reliance on Papa (the way I like it!) I had a thought that was burning deep down in my soul Sunday night. We were on our way back from Dothan, from Z's sister's wedding. We had a ton of fun and it was beautiful. Tears were absolutely shed, and I love my new brother-in-law. He's absolutely perfect for Jessica.

Right back to my thought. (mini background Zane and I drove separately down to Dothan, because of our own special circumstances - school and wedding stuff for me, work for Zane and didn't need to be there on Thursday).

As I am in my car, I'm driving behind Zane and I realized a huge metaphor that was taking place that I chewed on for the rest of the 3.5 hour car drive. The whole trip I let Zane lead the caravan home. He set the pace. As we are about to leave Dothan, the heavens fall out. This is not some simple fun rain, it's scary rain. Lots of lightening and thunder. Winds whipping the rain around so there is no shelter anywhere if you get out of the car. Inches and inches of rain. But we couldn't stop, because we had an end destination. So Zane and I were going to weather this together, in separate vehicles. This is when I began to notice and put two and two together. Zane was leading which means he was looking out for his vehicle and it's direction and my vehicle and my direction. Making sure I was ok. All I needed to do was make sure my car was good and follow after Zane. Another thing I noticed is that we were together in the storm, weathering it together but both our circumstances were different. He was in his car with the cats, his clothes, and anything else he may have had. I was in my car, with the food, flowers, decorations, wedding dress, and my clothes. Same storm, different perspectives. I was also following, watching and learning from him, while he was leading, coming across the obstacles first. BUT it was the same storm.

I realized that was life. Storms are coming. And as husband and wife we will weather them together. Naturally because we are two individuals, what we are carrying inside of us is different. But I also realized I had a choice, do I let Zane lead and set the pace, watch out for me, and guide me, or do I blow by, thinking he's going way to slow, or thinking I got this on my own? The clouds are looming and I have to make a decision. And Zane, he leads with strength and grace and humility. As a wife, it is safer for me to go second, it will always be safer for me to go second.

The storms are inevitable, they are even beneficial. It's how I choose to react to them. And just like rainstorms, they are out of my hands. This especially paves the way for Zane to step up and take care of our tiny family, the best way he knows how. Jesus is good to give me someone as great at Zane.

Vivian

Update and a little bit of Jesus

Hello all,

It's been a while. Real quickly, here's an update for the Frankins.
- Zane graduated on Saturday from Virginia Tech! (woohoo, the Master)
-Zane has a job offer for the University of Texas (hook em)
- Zane is interviewing with Johns Hopkins in about 2 weeks!
- Waiting on Georgia Tech to get the process started.
- Now, seriously thinking about PhD school (for Zane) starting in Aug 2015 (Northen Cal here we come!! (maybe))
- I started a gymnastics class - it's last day is today
- I took a class last week that got the ball rolling, slowly, towards nursing school!!

Whew, I'm sure there is more, but it's okay. Mostly all of that is pertinent to what I wanted to say today.  Of course all of this is exciting to think about. We have so many options on the table. What's a teeny-tiny family to do? I was talking to a friend and she asked me a question. My answer got me thinking. Don't you love it when that happens? Like you weren't expecting something to rock your world when it comes out your mouth or to your brain and you realize, YES, this is what the Lord is teaching me.

She asked me, "Where do you feel like the Lord is calling you?" A very good and thought provoking question, seeing as how I am always saying when it comes to this stuff, "we just want to be where the Lord wants us." Although still true, I sort of put that on the back burner. I realized that location is not the answer. Anywhere we choose, the Lord will use us, this I know. What I answered has been rolling through my head making me think.

It's not a WHERE He wants us, and a WHO He wants us to be. That totally rocked me to my core. Who is the Lord leading me to be, as a wife, as a person, as a Jesus lover. How is he shaping me? What attributes is He refining in me? Patience for example is a huge one. Patience towards school is a big one for me, home buying, motherhood, and more. He is calling me to be an encourager, especially to Zane, whether that is encouraging him in the way he is going or encouraging him to try something new and scary and maybe a little hard because it's more school in a really expensive part of the country. He is calling me to be a supportive wife, even if that means moving to Texas, standing behind Zane and saying, we can do this! He is calling me to be humble all the time. Especially when it comes to not having a job, and feeling like I don't contribute. I do contribute. I bring a lot to the table in this marriage, it just doesn't have a monetary value on it. There is a lot.

So the Franklins are not (entirely) worried about where we are going to end up. Or the process of how to get there. We are focused on being the people that God has called us to be. It is extremely freeing resting in that.

Here's a verse I'll leave you with that I ADORE!
"When I worried about many things, your assuring words soothed my soul." Psalm 94:19

Belle

Social Media Friendships

I have a tinsy opinion, and this is my outlet.

I have been thinking lately, mostly about social media. I see a lot of people snapping pictures of them with their friends at the latest restaurant on social media. I sit with Zane and look around the restaurant and see whole families staring at a screen. I check instagram and people who are together are snapping pictures together. I just sit and wonder, are they actually communicating?

I used to be upset Zane and I didn't have many pictures together. Like the internet didn't know that I was spending time with my husband. What a travesty. I got upset because I thought people didn't know I had friends in Blacksburg, because I wasn't whipping my phone out to snap pictures of the hundreds of times we got together. Even the miniature relationships we have now, I wonder if people believe we actually have friends because well I have no pictures of myself with them.

But then I realized, I don't care what social media thinks about my friendships. It's actually very frustrating I feel I have to justify my relationships with some people on the internet. What i do care about, is the people I am spending my time with. I want to be more invested in the people than the photos.

I will definitely cherish my 3 photos I have of my Virginia friends, but I will cherish more, the game nights, the tears on couches, the Jesus talks, and everything else. I would charge whoever is reading this, to put the phones down, and look at your companion in the face and get to know them. Talk instead of tweet. Instagram, twitter, anything else- they can wait, people can't.

Now I'm stepping off my soapbox.

What I've learned in the First Year

Hello all,

It has been way too long since I have updated. Life has been crazy. It was Thanksgiving, and a ton of traveling, and then Christmas. On top of that we moved to Atlanta, and tried to figure out our schedules, this city, the new job, etc. That is what has been up with us.

We celebrated one year of marriage a couple of weeks ago. I just have been thinking about a couple of things about marriage. I am by no means an expert, but there are a few things I wanted to share, especially for people who are planning on getting married.

Here are a couple of thoughts I wanted to share:

1. It is FUN. I mean think about it: You are married to your best friend. Sundays can be spent in jammies just relaxing. The stuff you have in common, you can do together, forever. It's just fun. Dinner together every night. Games together.

2. Marriage is not the solution. I learned this, and it wasn't fun. For example, I struggle with being upfront about whatever is bothering me. This hinders the relationship severely. Before we got married, I thought that I had figured this out and when I got married I could be more open and this would help because I'm around Zane everyday. No, that is a LIE. Marriage is not the solution to that. Your Spouse is not the answer. Only Jesus is the answer. Only Jesus can heal your pain. Only Jesus can help you through your struggles. Ever and only Jesus.

3. Other people's horror stories, do NOT have to be yours. I think this one is key. Everyone wants to dish out advice to the bride, and most of the time it's negative (for lack of a better word) CRAP.  "Marriage is crippling." "You lose yourself for your husband's desires." "Marriage is a form of slavery." "Sex is unfulfilling for you, because you're a woman." Blah, blah, blah. I call bull. Don't ever tell a bride that, it gives her cold feet. Marriage is absolutely wonderful. Why fill a bride's head with something like that, she goes into a marriage already defeated. I'm here to counter that. Marriage is not crippling, it's fulfilling. You don't lose yourself, you learn about yourself. What makes you tick, how you learn to respond to situations that you have never encountered before. It's not SLAVERY. If a man thinks this, don't get married until you are mature enough to realize it's not slavery, but companionship, love, and humility in submission. And sex does not have to be unfulfilling just because you are a woman. Sex is a gift from God given to both men and women to enjoy. In the correct context, sex is wonderful.

4. Marriage is hard, but it is worth it. It is hard, not going to lie. I didn't grow up with brothers so I didn't know what it was like to live with men. I heard horror stories about filth and laziness. This is also a lie (see point 3). It was difficult, to move not only into a house, but to share a bedroom and bathroom with someone of the opposite sex. You must adjust. You must learn to compromise because you won't agree on everything. You need to talk about things.

5. Communication is key. In every area of your marriage, communication is key. Learning how to communicate, how your spouse communicates is key. Language, body language, everything. Love languages all of that. It's a constant thing.

6. One of the greatest things you could do for your spouse is support them. This is wonderful. Supporting them, even though they can't cook (Zane did this for me). Supporting them through physical therapy and surgery. Supporting them when they have a job opportunity in a different city. Support is difficult, especially when it doesn't seem like something you want to do, something you don't especially like (like moving to the South), etc...

7. When God is at the center of your marriage, it thrives. I'm not sure how much more there is to explain on this. The easiest, best months of our first year of marriage is when we were both actively pursuing the Lord, praying together, spending time with Jesus. The hardest were when we were distant from the Lord. Everything is beautiful and in the Lord's will, when He is the center of your relationship. You become what Ephesians 5 says. The man looks like Jesus, with love and sacrifice, and leadership. The woman looks like the church with love, admiration, and submission (the good kind).

8. EVERYDAY IS A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE.


I have loved being married to Zane. I look forward to a lifetime with Zane. I look forward to growing and learning more within our marriage.

Cheers,
Belle