What I've learned in the First Year

Hello all,

It has been way too long since I have updated. Life has been crazy. It was Thanksgiving, and a ton of traveling, and then Christmas. On top of that we moved to Atlanta, and tried to figure out our schedules, this city, the new job, etc. That is what has been up with us.

We celebrated one year of marriage a couple of weeks ago. I just have been thinking about a couple of things about marriage. I am by no means an expert, but there are a few things I wanted to share, especially for people who are planning on getting married.

Here are a couple of thoughts I wanted to share:

1. It is FUN. I mean think about it: You are married to your best friend. Sundays can be spent in jammies just relaxing. The stuff you have in common, you can do together, forever. It's just fun. Dinner together every night. Games together.

2. Marriage is not the solution. I learned this, and it wasn't fun. For example, I struggle with being upfront about whatever is bothering me. This hinders the relationship severely. Before we got married, I thought that I had figured this out and when I got married I could be more open and this would help because I'm around Zane everyday. No, that is a LIE. Marriage is not the solution to that. Your Spouse is not the answer. Only Jesus is the answer. Only Jesus can heal your pain. Only Jesus can help you through your struggles. Ever and only Jesus.

3. Other people's horror stories, do NOT have to be yours. I think this one is key. Everyone wants to dish out advice to the bride, and most of the time it's negative (for lack of a better word) CRAP.  "Marriage is crippling." "You lose yourself for your husband's desires." "Marriage is a form of slavery." "Sex is unfulfilling for you, because you're a woman." Blah, blah, blah. I call bull. Don't ever tell a bride that, it gives her cold feet. Marriage is absolutely wonderful. Why fill a bride's head with something like that, she goes into a marriage already defeated. I'm here to counter that. Marriage is not crippling, it's fulfilling. You don't lose yourself, you learn about yourself. What makes you tick, how you learn to respond to situations that you have never encountered before. It's not SLAVERY. If a man thinks this, don't get married until you are mature enough to realize it's not slavery, but companionship, love, and humility in submission. And sex does not have to be unfulfilling just because you are a woman. Sex is a gift from God given to both men and women to enjoy. In the correct context, sex is wonderful.

4. Marriage is hard, but it is worth it. It is hard, not going to lie. I didn't grow up with brothers so I didn't know what it was like to live with men. I heard horror stories about filth and laziness. This is also a lie (see point 3). It was difficult, to move not only into a house, but to share a bedroom and bathroom with someone of the opposite sex. You must adjust. You must learn to compromise because you won't agree on everything. You need to talk about things.

5. Communication is key. In every area of your marriage, communication is key. Learning how to communicate, how your spouse communicates is key. Language, body language, everything. Love languages all of that. It's a constant thing.

6. One of the greatest things you could do for your spouse is support them. This is wonderful. Supporting them, even though they can't cook (Zane did this for me). Supporting them through physical therapy and surgery. Supporting them when they have a job opportunity in a different city. Support is difficult, especially when it doesn't seem like something you want to do, something you don't especially like (like moving to the South), etc...

7. When God is at the center of your marriage, it thrives. I'm not sure how much more there is to explain on this. The easiest, best months of our first year of marriage is when we were both actively pursuing the Lord, praying together, spending time with Jesus. The hardest were when we were distant from the Lord. Everything is beautiful and in the Lord's will, when He is the center of your relationship. You become what Ephesians 5 says. The man looks like Jesus, with love and sacrifice, and leadership. The woman looks like the church with love, admiration, and submission (the good kind).

8. EVERYDAY IS A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE.


I have loved being married to Zane. I look forward to a lifetime with Zane. I look forward to growing and learning more within our marriage.

Cheers,
Belle