I'm pretty frustrated at society.
You see, I am the type of person who wears her heart on her sleeve. My feelings get hurt when people say mean or horrible things about me to my face(or even behind my back and then someone tells me what they say), or if they do something mean to me, directly or indirectly. Now, my heart on my sleeve can also be a good thing. It allows me to have compassion and joy and every other emotion in every circumstances and I love it! So when someone says or does something negatively to me, it hurts. I mean HURTS. It doesn't have to be anything even serious, by I still am almost always succumbed to tears.
And what makes me frustrated at society is that I am told to "let it roll off my back like a duck", "take it with a grain of salt", or "brush it off". Like it's that easy. I hate the phrases. I know they mean to not give credit to the things that are happening, but hear me out.
-"Be like a duck, let it roll off your back" This could be great advice, except it's not. A duck doesn't get into water and stay dry the whole time. The water starts to roll of it's back when it's already wet. Therefore, this saying states that after you've been "wet" for a bit (be it negative words or actions towards you), you have already been immersed in it. The next drop of water just rolls off your back because you are already wet. I think it's stupid advice. "Don't let what that person say bother you, because you've already been immersed and told these things." This is just saying that of course it's going to roll off your back because you already believe it about yourself.
-"Take it with a grain of salt". I don't understand this phrasing either. I also think it's stupid. When something wounds me and I "take it with a grain of salt" it's just saying here is a piece of salt to rub in your wound. Well that's ridiculous. Have you ever had salt put into a fresh wound. That HURTS.
-"brush it off" Have you ever seen a little kid fall down and the adult there says "brush it off? You're okay!" Well that's great, but what do you get when the dirt is brush away, a scrape mostly. You can brush off the dirt, but underneath there is still a wound.
I hate these phrases, basically it's your job to not let words get you down. It's almost impossible to let that happen. The seed is already there. Why can't it be the job of people to not be mean or say hurtful things? It's ridiculous. The Bible says that "the tongue has the power of life and death." (proverbs 18:21). So, of course, when someone says something completely negative to or about you, it feels like death.
People are going to say/do hurtful things, that's inevitable. But instead of doing something passive like just taking it or letting it go, I say we fight back. The tongue has the power of LIFE! We should counteract these negative things with words of life and words of truth. There are many things in the Bible that lift you up. There are wounds with the negativity but spoken truth, and life words are like ointment that heals. Sometimes it's difficult to apply it to myself. Sometimes I need someone else who believes in me to say something encouraging or uplifting. I think that's okay, too.
So, next time I (or maybe anyone) say, "This/that hurt me" or something along those lines, please don't tell me to "brush it off" or "be like a duck". Those phrases do not help. They make me feel useless and weak and even more down because I can't just turn off my emotions to a negative attack. Instead say something along the lines of "I'm sorry that happened, but do you know what the Lord says about you? (Insert one or all the beautiful and true things the Lord says about his beloved here)." Those words soothe and calm and heal.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
The Storm is Coming
Hello everybody.
Life is starting to slow down for the Franklins. By slow down, I mean not as crazy as it was a week ago :) Still crazy, and still full of ultimate reliance on Papa (the way I like it!) I had a thought that was burning deep down in my soul Sunday night. We were on our way back from Dothan, from Z's sister's wedding. We had a ton of fun and it was beautiful. Tears were absolutely shed, and I love my new brother-in-law. He's absolutely perfect for Jessica.
Right back to my thought. (mini background Zane and I drove separately down to Dothan, because of our own special circumstances - school and wedding stuff for me, work for Zane and didn't need to be there on Thursday).
As I am in my car, I'm driving behind Zane and I realized a huge metaphor that was taking place that I chewed on for the rest of the 3.5 hour car drive. The whole trip I let Zane lead the caravan home. He set the pace. As we are about to leave Dothan, the heavens fall out. This is not some simple fun rain, it's scary rain. Lots of lightening and thunder. Winds whipping the rain around so there is no shelter anywhere if you get out of the car. Inches and inches of rain. But we couldn't stop, because we had an end destination. So Zane and I were going to weather this together, in separate vehicles. This is when I began to notice and put two and two together. Zane was leading which means he was looking out for his vehicle and it's direction and my vehicle and my direction. Making sure I was ok. All I needed to do was make sure my car was good and follow after Zane. Another thing I noticed is that we were together in the storm, weathering it together but both our circumstances were different. He was in his car with the cats, his clothes, and anything else he may have had. I was in my car, with the food, flowers, decorations, wedding dress, and my clothes. Same storm, different perspectives. I was also following, watching and learning from him, while he was leading, coming across the obstacles first. BUT it was the same storm.
I realized that was life. Storms are coming. And as husband and wife we will weather them together. Naturally because we are two individuals, what we are carrying inside of us is different. But I also realized I had a choice, do I let Zane lead and set the pace, watch out for me, and guide me, or do I blow by, thinking he's going way to slow, or thinking I got this on my own? The clouds are looming and I have to make a decision. And Zane, he leads with strength and grace and humility. As a wife, it is safer for me to go second, it will always be safer for me to go second.
The storms are inevitable, they are even beneficial. It's how I choose to react to them. And just like rainstorms, they are out of my hands. This especially paves the way for Zane to step up and take care of our tiny family, the best way he knows how. Jesus is good to give me someone as great at Zane.
Vivian
Life is starting to slow down for the Franklins. By slow down, I mean not as crazy as it was a week ago :) Still crazy, and still full of ultimate reliance on Papa (the way I like it!) I had a thought that was burning deep down in my soul Sunday night. We were on our way back from Dothan, from Z's sister's wedding. We had a ton of fun and it was beautiful. Tears were absolutely shed, and I love my new brother-in-law. He's absolutely perfect for Jessica.
Right back to my thought. (mini background Zane and I drove separately down to Dothan, because of our own special circumstances - school and wedding stuff for me, work for Zane and didn't need to be there on Thursday).
As I am in my car, I'm driving behind Zane and I realized a huge metaphor that was taking place that I chewed on for the rest of the 3.5 hour car drive. The whole trip I let Zane lead the caravan home. He set the pace. As we are about to leave Dothan, the heavens fall out. This is not some simple fun rain, it's scary rain. Lots of lightening and thunder. Winds whipping the rain around so there is no shelter anywhere if you get out of the car. Inches and inches of rain. But we couldn't stop, because we had an end destination. So Zane and I were going to weather this together, in separate vehicles. This is when I began to notice and put two and two together. Zane was leading which means he was looking out for his vehicle and it's direction and my vehicle and my direction. Making sure I was ok. All I needed to do was make sure my car was good and follow after Zane. Another thing I noticed is that we were together in the storm, weathering it together but both our circumstances were different. He was in his car with the cats, his clothes, and anything else he may have had. I was in my car, with the food, flowers, decorations, wedding dress, and my clothes. Same storm, different perspectives. I was also following, watching and learning from him, while he was leading, coming across the obstacles first. BUT it was the same storm.
I realized that was life. Storms are coming. And as husband and wife we will weather them together. Naturally because we are two individuals, what we are carrying inside of us is different. But I also realized I had a choice, do I let Zane lead and set the pace, watch out for me, and guide me, or do I blow by, thinking he's going way to slow, or thinking I got this on my own? The clouds are looming and I have to make a decision. And Zane, he leads with strength and grace and humility. As a wife, it is safer for me to go second, it will always be safer for me to go second.
The storms are inevitable, they are even beneficial. It's how I choose to react to them. And just like rainstorms, they are out of my hands. This especially paves the way for Zane to step up and take care of our tiny family, the best way he knows how. Jesus is good to give me someone as great at Zane.
Vivian
Monday, May 19, 2014
Update and a little bit of Jesus
Hello all,
It's been a while. Real quickly, here's an update for the Frankins.
- Zane graduated on Saturday from Virginia Tech! (woohoo, the Master)
-Zane has a job offer for the University of Texas (hook em)
- Zane is interviewing with Johns Hopkins in about 2 weeks!
- Waiting on Georgia Tech to get the process started.
- Now, seriously thinking about PhD school (for Zane) starting in Aug 2015 (Northen Cal here we come!! (maybe))
- I started a gymnastics class - it's last day is today
- I took a class last week that got the ball rolling, slowly, towards nursing school!!
Whew, I'm sure there is more, but it's okay. Mostly all of that is pertinent to what I wanted to say today. Of course all of this is exciting to think about. We have so many options on the table. What's a teeny-tiny family to do? I was talking to a friend and she asked me a question. My answer got me thinking. Don't you love it when that happens? Like you weren't expecting something to rock your world when it comes out your mouth or to your brain and you realize, YES, this is what the Lord is teaching me.
She asked me, "Where do you feel like the Lord is calling you?" A very good and thought provoking question, seeing as how I am always saying when it comes to this stuff, "we just want to be where the Lord wants us." Although still true, I sort of put that on the back burner. I realized that location is not the answer. Anywhere we choose, the Lord will use us, this I know. What I answered has been rolling through my head making me think.
It's not a WHERE He wants us, and a WHO He wants us to be. That totally rocked me to my core. Who is the Lord leading me to be, as a wife, as a person, as a Jesus lover. How is he shaping me? What attributes is He refining in me? Patience for example is a huge one. Patience towards school is a big one for me, home buying, motherhood, and more. He is calling me to be an encourager, especially to Zane, whether that is encouraging him in the way he is going or encouraging him to try something new and scary and maybe a little hard because it's more school in a really expensive part of the country. He is calling me to be a supportive wife, even if that means moving to Texas, standing behind Zane and saying, we can do this! He is calling me to be humble all the time. Especially when it comes to not having a job, and feeling like I don't contribute. I do contribute. I bring a lot to the table in this marriage, it just doesn't have a monetary value on it. There is a lot.
So the Franklins are not (entirely) worried about where we are going to end up. Or the process of how to get there. We are focused on being the people that God has called us to be. It is extremely freeing resting in that.
Here's a verse I'll leave you with that I ADORE!
"When I worried about many things, your assuring words soothed my soul." Psalm 94:19
Belle
It's been a while. Real quickly, here's an update for the Frankins.
- Zane graduated on Saturday from Virginia Tech! (woohoo, the Master)
-Zane has a job offer for the University of Texas (hook em)
- Zane is interviewing with Johns Hopkins in about 2 weeks!
- Waiting on Georgia Tech to get the process started.
- Now, seriously thinking about PhD school (for Zane) starting in Aug 2015 (Northen Cal here we come!! (maybe))
- I started a gymnastics class - it's last day is today
- I took a class last week that got the ball rolling, slowly, towards nursing school!!
Whew, I'm sure there is more, but it's okay. Mostly all of that is pertinent to what I wanted to say today. Of course all of this is exciting to think about. We have so many options on the table. What's a teeny-tiny family to do? I was talking to a friend and she asked me a question. My answer got me thinking. Don't you love it when that happens? Like you weren't expecting something to rock your world when it comes out your mouth or to your brain and you realize, YES, this is what the Lord is teaching me.
She asked me, "Where do you feel like the Lord is calling you?" A very good and thought provoking question, seeing as how I am always saying when it comes to this stuff, "we just want to be where the Lord wants us." Although still true, I sort of put that on the back burner. I realized that location is not the answer. Anywhere we choose, the Lord will use us, this I know. What I answered has been rolling through my head making me think.
It's not a WHERE He wants us, and a WHO He wants us to be. That totally rocked me to my core. Who is the Lord leading me to be, as a wife, as a person, as a Jesus lover. How is he shaping me? What attributes is He refining in me? Patience for example is a huge one. Patience towards school is a big one for me, home buying, motherhood, and more. He is calling me to be an encourager, especially to Zane, whether that is encouraging him in the way he is going or encouraging him to try something new and scary and maybe a little hard because it's more school in a really expensive part of the country. He is calling me to be a supportive wife, even if that means moving to Texas, standing behind Zane and saying, we can do this! He is calling me to be humble all the time. Especially when it comes to not having a job, and feeling like I don't contribute. I do contribute. I bring a lot to the table in this marriage, it just doesn't have a monetary value on it. There is a lot.
So the Franklins are not (entirely) worried about where we are going to end up. Or the process of how to get there. We are focused on being the people that God has called us to be. It is extremely freeing resting in that.
Here's a verse I'll leave you with that I ADORE!
"When I worried about many things, your assuring words soothed my soul." Psalm 94:19
Belle
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Social Media Friendships
I have a tinsy opinion, and this is my outlet.
I have been thinking lately, mostly about social media. I see a lot of people snapping pictures of them with their friends at the latest restaurant on social media. I sit with Zane and look around the restaurant and see whole families staring at a screen. I check instagram and people who are together are snapping pictures together. I just sit and wonder, are they actually communicating?
I used to be upset Zane and I didn't have many pictures together. Like the internet didn't know that I was spending time with my husband. What a travesty. I got upset because I thought people didn't know I had friends in Blacksburg, because I wasn't whipping my phone out to snap pictures of the hundreds of times we got together. Even the miniature relationships we have now, I wonder if people believe we actually have friends because well I have no pictures of myself with them.
But then I realized, I don't care what social media thinks about my friendships. It's actually very frustrating I feel I have to justify my relationships with some people on the internet. What i do care about, is the people I am spending my time with. I want to be more invested in the people than the photos.
I will definitely cherish my 3 photos I have of my Virginia friends, but I will cherish more, the game nights, the tears on couches, the Jesus talks, and everything else. I would charge whoever is reading this, to put the phones down, and look at your companion in the face and get to know them. Talk instead of tweet. Instagram, twitter, anything else- they can wait, people can't.
Now I'm stepping off my soapbox.
I have been thinking lately, mostly about social media. I see a lot of people snapping pictures of them with their friends at the latest restaurant on social media. I sit with Zane and look around the restaurant and see whole families staring at a screen. I check instagram and people who are together are snapping pictures together. I just sit and wonder, are they actually communicating?
I used to be upset Zane and I didn't have many pictures together. Like the internet didn't know that I was spending time with my husband. What a travesty. I got upset because I thought people didn't know I had friends in Blacksburg, because I wasn't whipping my phone out to snap pictures of the hundreds of times we got together. Even the miniature relationships we have now, I wonder if people believe we actually have friends because well I have no pictures of myself with them.
But then I realized, I don't care what social media thinks about my friendships. It's actually very frustrating I feel I have to justify my relationships with some people on the internet. What i do care about, is the people I am spending my time with. I want to be more invested in the people than the photos.
I will definitely cherish my 3 photos I have of my Virginia friends, but I will cherish more, the game nights, the tears on couches, the Jesus talks, and everything else. I would charge whoever is reading this, to put the phones down, and look at your companion in the face and get to know them. Talk instead of tweet. Instagram, twitter, anything else- they can wait, people can't.
Now I'm stepping off my soapbox.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
What I've learned in the First Year
Hello all,
It has been way too long since I have updated. Life has been crazy. It was Thanksgiving, and a ton of traveling, and then Christmas. On top of that we moved to Atlanta, and tried to figure out our schedules, this city, the new job, etc. That is what has been up with us.
We celebrated one year of marriage a couple of weeks ago. I just have been thinking about a couple of things about marriage. I am by no means an expert, but there are a few things I wanted to share, especially for people who are planning on getting married.
Here are a couple of thoughts I wanted to share:
1. It is FUN. I mean think about it: You are married to your best friend. Sundays can be spent in jammies just relaxing. The stuff you have in common, you can do together, forever. It's just fun. Dinner together every night. Games together.
2. Marriage is not the solution. I learned this, and it wasn't fun. For example, I struggle with being upfront about whatever is bothering me. This hinders the relationship severely. Before we got married, I thought that I had figured this out and when I got married I could be more open and this would help because I'm around Zane everyday. No, that is a LIE. Marriage is not the solution to that. Your Spouse is not the answer. Only Jesus is the answer. Only Jesus can heal your pain. Only Jesus can help you through your struggles. Ever and only Jesus.
3. Other people's horror stories, do NOT have to be yours. I think this one is key. Everyone wants to dish out advice to the bride, and most of the time it's negative (for lack of a better word) CRAP. "Marriage is crippling." "You lose yourself for your husband's desires." "Marriage is a form of slavery." "Sex is unfulfilling for you, because you're a woman." Blah, blah, blah. I call bull. Don't ever tell a bride that, it gives her cold feet. Marriage is absolutely wonderful. Why fill a bride's head with something like that, she goes into a marriage already defeated. I'm here to counter that. Marriage is not crippling, it's fulfilling. You don't lose yourself, you learn about yourself. What makes you tick, how you learn to respond to situations that you have never encountered before. It's not SLAVERY. If a man thinks this, don't get married until you are mature enough to realize it's not slavery, but companionship, love, and humility in submission. And sex does not have to be unfulfilling just because you are a woman. Sex is a gift from God given to both men and women to enjoy. In the correct context, sex is wonderful.
4. Marriage is hard, but it is worth it. It is hard, not going to lie. I didn't grow up with brothers so I didn't know what it was like to live with men. I heard horror stories about filth and laziness. This is also a lie (see point 3). It was difficult, to move not only into a house, but to share a bedroom and bathroom with someone of the opposite sex. You must adjust. You must learn to compromise because you won't agree on everything. You need to talk about things.
5. Communication is key. In every area of your marriage, communication is key. Learning how to communicate, how your spouse communicates is key. Language, body language, everything. Love languages all of that. It's a constant thing.
6. One of the greatest things you could do for your spouse is support them. This is wonderful. Supporting them, even though they can't cook (Zane did this for me). Supporting them through physical therapy and surgery. Supporting them when they have a job opportunity in a different city. Support is difficult, especially when it doesn't seem like something you want to do, something you don't especially like (like moving to the South), etc...
7. When God is at the center of your marriage, it thrives. I'm not sure how much more there is to explain on this. The easiest, best months of our first year of marriage is when we were both actively pursuing the Lord, praying together, spending time with Jesus. The hardest were when we were distant from the Lord. Everything is beautiful and in the Lord's will, when He is the center of your relationship. You become what Ephesians 5 says. The man looks like Jesus, with love and sacrifice, and leadership. The woman looks like the church with love, admiration, and submission (the good kind).
8. EVERYDAY IS A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE.
I have loved being married to Zane. I look forward to a lifetime with Zane. I look forward to growing and learning more within our marriage.
Cheers,
Belle
It has been way too long since I have updated. Life has been crazy. It was Thanksgiving, and a ton of traveling, and then Christmas. On top of that we moved to Atlanta, and tried to figure out our schedules, this city, the new job, etc. That is what has been up with us.
We celebrated one year of marriage a couple of weeks ago. I just have been thinking about a couple of things about marriage. I am by no means an expert, but there are a few things I wanted to share, especially for people who are planning on getting married.
Here are a couple of thoughts I wanted to share:
1. It is FUN. I mean think about it: You are married to your best friend. Sundays can be spent in jammies just relaxing. The stuff you have in common, you can do together, forever. It's just fun. Dinner together every night. Games together.
2. Marriage is not the solution. I learned this, and it wasn't fun. For example, I struggle with being upfront about whatever is bothering me. This hinders the relationship severely. Before we got married, I thought that I had figured this out and when I got married I could be more open and this would help because I'm around Zane everyday. No, that is a LIE. Marriage is not the solution to that. Your Spouse is not the answer. Only Jesus is the answer. Only Jesus can heal your pain. Only Jesus can help you through your struggles. Ever and only Jesus.
3. Other people's horror stories, do NOT have to be yours. I think this one is key. Everyone wants to dish out advice to the bride, and most of the time it's negative (for lack of a better word) CRAP. "Marriage is crippling." "You lose yourself for your husband's desires." "Marriage is a form of slavery." "Sex is unfulfilling for you, because you're a woman." Blah, blah, blah. I call bull. Don't ever tell a bride that, it gives her cold feet. Marriage is absolutely wonderful. Why fill a bride's head with something like that, she goes into a marriage already defeated. I'm here to counter that. Marriage is not crippling, it's fulfilling. You don't lose yourself, you learn about yourself. What makes you tick, how you learn to respond to situations that you have never encountered before. It's not SLAVERY. If a man thinks this, don't get married until you are mature enough to realize it's not slavery, but companionship, love, and humility in submission. And sex does not have to be unfulfilling just because you are a woman. Sex is a gift from God given to both men and women to enjoy. In the correct context, sex is wonderful.
4. Marriage is hard, but it is worth it. It is hard, not going to lie. I didn't grow up with brothers so I didn't know what it was like to live with men. I heard horror stories about filth and laziness. This is also a lie (see point 3). It was difficult, to move not only into a house, but to share a bedroom and bathroom with someone of the opposite sex. You must adjust. You must learn to compromise because you won't agree on everything. You need to talk about things.
5. Communication is key. In every area of your marriage, communication is key. Learning how to communicate, how your spouse communicates is key. Language, body language, everything. Love languages all of that. It's a constant thing.
6. One of the greatest things you could do for your spouse is support them. This is wonderful. Supporting them, even though they can't cook (Zane did this for me). Supporting them through physical therapy and surgery. Supporting them when they have a job opportunity in a different city. Support is difficult, especially when it doesn't seem like something you want to do, something you don't especially like (like moving to the South), etc...
7. When God is at the center of your marriage, it thrives. I'm not sure how much more there is to explain on this. The easiest, best months of our first year of marriage is when we were both actively pursuing the Lord, praying together, spending time with Jesus. The hardest were when we were distant from the Lord. Everything is beautiful and in the Lord's will, when He is the center of your relationship. You become what Ephesians 5 says. The man looks like Jesus, with love and sacrifice, and leadership. The woman looks like the church with love, admiration, and submission (the good kind).
8. EVERYDAY IS A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE.
I have loved being married to Zane. I look forward to a lifetime with Zane. I look forward to growing and learning more within our marriage.
Cheers,
Belle
Monday, November 18, 2013
No One Speaks Quite Like You
Hello all,
How good is our God? A small thought.
Last night at small group we were talking about the Lost and what is our role as the church is. I love our small group because we bounce ideas off each other, learn from each other, and grow together. It's everything I love about small groups. Well we were talking and I was telling them about my fears and desires to tell people I work with, how much Jesus loves them. I feel like I have come up short in this area. I feel the weight of all of this on my shoulders and there isn't much left to do, simply because I'm out of time. Of course, me being me, I start crying, but not until after I have choked out what I wanted to say. Then in all of their encouragement, I begin to cry, silent tears. I just listen to their encouragement, and it didn't settle me. I loved listening to what they had to say, but the reality of Heaven and Hell has been so real, I couldn't be calm. I couldn't have peace knowing that people I really really care about may never spend eternity in Heaven. They said, "You can't save everybody." and cue the actual sobs, breathing hard and whatnot. Just look away. Then some sweet words, "I'm sure the way you live your life, people see Jesus."
Still no offense to these wonderful people, something wasn't sitting right, and I was still upset. I wasn't very comforted by their words. EVEN THOUGH they were good words, encouraging words, I just didn't want to hear it from them.
Then this morning, I was spending a lot of time with Jesus, well because I NEEDED to. It was wonderful just like it always is when I hang out with him. I came across this passage:
This is exactly what was spoken to me the night before, but the thing was missing was WHO spoke it to me.
No one speaks quite like you, God. Thank you Jesus, for the comfort and Your compassion.
Vivian
How good is our God? A small thought.
Last night at small group we were talking about the Lost and what is our role as the church is. I love our small group because we bounce ideas off each other, learn from each other, and grow together. It's everything I love about small groups. Well we were talking and I was telling them about my fears and desires to tell people I work with, how much Jesus loves them. I feel like I have come up short in this area. I feel the weight of all of this on my shoulders and there isn't much left to do, simply because I'm out of time. Of course, me being me, I start crying, but not until after I have choked out what I wanted to say. Then in all of their encouragement, I begin to cry, silent tears. I just listen to their encouragement, and it didn't settle me. I loved listening to what they had to say, but the reality of Heaven and Hell has been so real, I couldn't be calm. I couldn't have peace knowing that people I really really care about may never spend eternity in Heaven. They said, "You can't save everybody." and cue the actual sobs, breathing hard and whatnot. Just look away. Then some sweet words, "I'm sure the way you live your life, people see Jesus."
Still no offense to these wonderful people, something wasn't sitting right, and I was still upset. I wasn't very comforted by their words. EVEN THOUGH they were good words, encouraging words, I just didn't want to hear it from them.
Then this morning, I was spending a lot of time with Jesus, well because I NEEDED to. It was wonderful just like it always is when I hang out with him. I came across this passage:
"But I thank God, who always leads us to victory. Wherever we go, God uses us to make clear what it means to know Christ. It's like a fragrance that fills the air. To God we are the aroma of Christ among those who are saved and among those who are dying. To some people we are a deadly fragrance, while to others we are life giving fragrance. Who is qualified to tell about Christ? At least we don't go around selling an impure word of God like other. The opposite is true. As Christ's spokesmen and in God's presence, we speak the pure message that comes from God." 2nd Corinthians 2: 12-17
This is exactly what was spoken to me the night before, but the thing was missing was WHO spoke it to me.
No one speaks quite like you, God. Thank you Jesus, for the comfort and Your compassion.
Vivian
Friday, November 15, 2013
Urgency
Hi all,
This will be short and sweet. Mostly just a bit of thoughts being poured out. I can update those who don't know.
This past weekend Zane and I went to Atlanta. It was so stressful and so exhilarating at the same time. I guess our move hasn't felt as real as I thought it did. Driving around downtown/Midtown Atlanta all day Sunday and Monday was so exciting. And the greatest part, Zane is excited too! We found a few apartments we liked. We found one we absolutely adored, It was serious our dream apartment, but I would have to ask for my gallbladder back so I could sell it on the black market to afford paying a month's rent ;). We decided on an apartment, applied, (I had buyer's remorse), but they called me yesterday to say we were approved and were going to be sent a welcome letter today! That's so exciting!! I started dancing at work yesterday when I got the voicemail.
All the natural fears that come with moving somewhere new and very far away were very prominent. I was stressed to the max. Every prayer was always some version of "PLEASE let us find something we like and can afford." "PLEASE let us be okay with our decision." I don't know why this was such a big deal. When we decided on the apartment in Blacksburg we didn't even look at any of them. I just emailed with the lady, talk to Zane and said we'll take it. Atlanta is a different story. It's way to big to do that. Of course there are a lot more factors in this decision. So a trip was in order.
Of course, in my controlled state, I wanted this move to be just like the move to Blacksburg. I had a job offer of August of 2012; 5 months before I even moved there! Now, here we are a month away from moving and we don't have an apartment and I don't have a job. If anything this is the exact opposite of what our move to Blacksburg was like. This is scary but nice at the same time. I need to be challenged in my faith. I definitely don't lack the belief that God can provide for us, an apartment for us and a job for me, but I am lacking the belief of his timeline and will he. SO MANY things being taught to me. Trust in His timeframe. Trust in His workings. Trust in His control.
Then I begin to think who am I to discount God and all He has ever done. I am my own minister right now. Timehop, although is silly is rather good and bringing up memories of where God is faithful. I saw something I tweeted the other day, "If God fails me this time, it will be the first time." George Müller. Hello, present Vivian, listen to past Vivian. It will be the first time if God doesn't come through for us. And that is not in his nature, to disappoint, to lack, to fail. He is the fullness of Faith, Completion, Assurance, Hope, Success, Everything. He. Never. Disappoints.
Anyway, this move got me thinking, and I have a newfound sense of urgency. I think it is only the kind of urgency you are fully aware of when you have little time left. I remember this sense of urgency my last few weeks of High School, my last month or so of Auburn, and now, when I have 5 weeks left of my life here in Blacksburg. I think this one freaked me out more so than the other ones and I have no idea why. I think the past two I had some false sense of security, it may have even been a true sense of security. I was moving on to better things, just needed to tie up some loose ends. And those moments and those people in high school and college, I could see them again. And I probably will. But I was also excited about what is to come. After High school, Auburn. After Auburn, marriage. Now I'm in Blacksburg, with not much to show for it (so it seems) and nothing really great as in it stands out(for me) in Atlanta. I felt so young in high school and college and now that I've lived in Blacksburg for 10 minutes I feel closer to 32 instead of the mere 22. I feel like I blinked in Blacksburg and now I'm moving again, and it's freaking. me. out. How is my time in Blacksburg already up? Didn't I JUST move here. Didn't I JUST get married? Didn't I JUST start my job at the gym? Didn't I JUST join a small group. Now that's all about to be gone. It's surreal. And in a moment my life flashed before my eyes.
I don't want to grow up. I want to stay this age, with my husband. It's such a conundrum. I look forward to gray hairs and a life well lived with Zane. I look forward to children. I look forward to raising my babies and letting them see Jesus in only a way a child's innocence can. But not right now. Time moves to fast. I only have now. I only want now. I want time to slow down for goodness sakes. I want more time in Blacksburg with my friends. I want more time with my coworkers who make my day so much brighter. I don't want to blink and be five years down the road. Which is where my sense of urgency comes in. Time is moving to fast, and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it. I remember what Pastor Chris says and it rings truer in my ears now than ever before. "Heaven and Hell are a reality, and that should push you into ACTION." It's scary, and we/I need to do something about it. I am accountable to my sphere of influence.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
Let's go change the world.
Vivian
This will be short and sweet. Mostly just a bit of thoughts being poured out. I can update those who don't know.
This past weekend Zane and I went to Atlanta. It was so stressful and so exhilarating at the same time. I guess our move hasn't felt as real as I thought it did. Driving around downtown/Midtown Atlanta all day Sunday and Monday was so exciting. And the greatest part, Zane is excited too! We found a few apartments we liked. We found one we absolutely adored, It was serious our dream apartment, but I would have to ask for my gallbladder back so I could sell it on the black market to afford paying a month's rent ;). We decided on an apartment, applied, (I had buyer's remorse), but they called me yesterday to say we were approved and were going to be sent a welcome letter today! That's so exciting!! I started dancing at work yesterday when I got the voicemail.
All the natural fears that come with moving somewhere new and very far away were very prominent. I was stressed to the max. Every prayer was always some version of "PLEASE let us find something we like and can afford." "PLEASE let us be okay with our decision." I don't know why this was such a big deal. When we decided on the apartment in Blacksburg we didn't even look at any of them. I just emailed with the lady, talk to Zane and said we'll take it. Atlanta is a different story. It's way to big to do that. Of course there are a lot more factors in this decision. So a trip was in order.
Of course, in my controlled state, I wanted this move to be just like the move to Blacksburg. I had a job offer of August of 2012; 5 months before I even moved there! Now, here we are a month away from moving and we don't have an apartment and I don't have a job. If anything this is the exact opposite of what our move to Blacksburg was like. This is scary but nice at the same time. I need to be challenged in my faith. I definitely don't lack the belief that God can provide for us, an apartment for us and a job for me, but I am lacking the belief of his timeline and will he. SO MANY things being taught to me. Trust in His timeframe. Trust in His workings. Trust in His control.
Then I begin to think who am I to discount God and all He has ever done. I am my own minister right now. Timehop, although is silly is rather good and bringing up memories of where God is faithful. I saw something I tweeted the other day, "If God fails me this time, it will be the first time." George Müller. Hello, present Vivian, listen to past Vivian. It will be the first time if God doesn't come through for us. And that is not in his nature, to disappoint, to lack, to fail. He is the fullness of Faith, Completion, Assurance, Hope, Success, Everything. He. Never. Disappoints.
Anyway, this move got me thinking, and I have a newfound sense of urgency. I think it is only the kind of urgency you are fully aware of when you have little time left. I remember this sense of urgency my last few weeks of High School, my last month or so of Auburn, and now, when I have 5 weeks left of my life here in Blacksburg. I think this one freaked me out more so than the other ones and I have no idea why. I think the past two I had some false sense of security, it may have even been a true sense of security. I was moving on to better things, just needed to tie up some loose ends. And those moments and those people in high school and college, I could see them again. And I probably will. But I was also excited about what is to come. After High school, Auburn. After Auburn, marriage. Now I'm in Blacksburg, with not much to show for it (so it seems) and nothing really great as in it stands out(for me) in Atlanta. I felt so young in high school and college and now that I've lived in Blacksburg for 10 minutes I feel closer to 32 instead of the mere 22. I feel like I blinked in Blacksburg and now I'm moving again, and it's freaking. me. out. How is my time in Blacksburg already up? Didn't I JUST move here. Didn't I JUST get married? Didn't I JUST start my job at the gym? Didn't I JUST join a small group. Now that's all about to be gone. It's surreal. And in a moment my life flashed before my eyes.
I don't want to grow up. I want to stay this age, with my husband. It's such a conundrum. I look forward to gray hairs and a life well lived with Zane. I look forward to children. I look forward to raising my babies and letting them see Jesus in only a way a child's innocence can. But not right now. Time moves to fast. I only have now. I only want now. I want time to slow down for goodness sakes. I want more time in Blacksburg with my friends. I want more time with my coworkers who make my day so much brighter. I don't want to blink and be five years down the road. Which is where my sense of urgency comes in. Time is moving to fast, and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it. I remember what Pastor Chris says and it rings truer in my ears now than ever before. "Heaven and Hell are a reality, and that should push you into ACTION." It's scary, and we/I need to do something about it. I am accountable to my sphere of influence.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
Let's go change the world.
Vivian
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