Urgency

Hi all,

This will be short and sweet. Mostly just a bit of thoughts being poured out. I can update those who don't know.

This past weekend Zane and I went to Atlanta. It was so stressful and so exhilarating at the same time. I guess our move hasn't felt as real as I thought it did. Driving around downtown/Midtown Atlanta all day Sunday and Monday was so exciting. And the greatest part, Zane is excited too! We found a few apartments we liked. We found one we absolutely adored, It was serious our dream apartment, but I would have to ask for my gallbladder back so I could sell it on the black market to afford paying a month's rent ;). We decided on an apartment, applied, (I had buyer's remorse), but they called me yesterday to say we were approved and were going to be sent a welcome letter today! That's so exciting!! I started dancing at work yesterday when I got the voicemail.

All the natural fears that come with moving somewhere new and very far away were very prominent. I was stressed to the max. Every prayer was always some version of "PLEASE let us find something we like and can afford." "PLEASE let us be okay with our decision." I don't know why this was such a big deal. When we decided on the apartment in Blacksburg we didn't even look at any of them. I just emailed with the lady, talk to Zane and said we'll take it. Atlanta is a different story. It's way to big to do that. Of course there are a lot more factors in this decision. So a trip was in order.

Of course, in my controlled state, I wanted this move to be just like the move to Blacksburg. I had a job offer of August of 2012; 5 months before I even moved there! Now, here we are a month away from moving and we don't have an apartment and I don't have a job. If anything this is the exact opposite of what our move to Blacksburg was like. This is scary but nice at the same time. I need to be challenged in my faith. I definitely don't lack the belief that God can provide for us, an apartment for us and a job for me, but I am lacking the belief of his timeline and will he. SO MANY things being taught to me. Trust in His timeframe. Trust in His workings. Trust in His control.

Then I begin to think who am I to discount God and all He has ever done. I am my own minister right now. Timehop, although is silly is rather good and bringing up memories of where God is faithful. I saw something I tweeted the other day, "If God fails me this time, it will be the first time." George Müller. Hello, present Vivian, listen to past Vivian. It will be the first time if God doesn't come through for us. And that is not in his nature, to disappoint, to lack, to fail. He is the fullness of Faith, Completion, Assurance, Hope, Success, Everything. He. Never. Disappoints.

Anyway, this move got me thinking, and I have a newfound sense of urgency. I think it is only the kind of urgency you are fully aware of when you have little time left. I remember this sense of urgency my last few weeks of High School, my last month or so of Auburn, and now, when I have 5 weeks left of my life here in Blacksburg. I think this one freaked me out more so than the other ones and I have no idea why. I think the past two I had some false sense of security, it may have even been a true sense of security. I was moving on to better things, just needed to tie up some loose ends. And those moments and those people in high school and college, I could see them again. And I probably will. But I was also excited about what is to come.  After High school, Auburn. After Auburn, marriage. Now I'm in Blacksburg, with not much to show for it (so it seems) and nothing really great as in it stands out(for me) in Atlanta. I felt so young in high school and college and now that I've lived in Blacksburg for 10 minutes I feel closer to 32 instead of the mere 22. I feel like I blinked in Blacksburg and now I'm moving again, and it's freaking. me. out. How is my time in Blacksburg already up? Didn't I JUST move here. Didn't I JUST get married? Didn't I JUST start my job at the gym? Didn't I JUST join a small group. Now that's all about to be gone. It's surreal.  And in a moment my life flashed before my eyes.

I don't want to grow up. I want to stay this age, with my husband. It's such a conundrum. I look forward to gray hairs and a life well lived with Zane. I look forward to children. I look forward to raising my babies and letting them see Jesus in only a way a child's innocence can. But not right now. Time moves to fast. I only have now. I only want now. I want time to slow down for goodness sakes. I want more time in Blacksburg with my friends. I want more time with my coworkers who make my day so much brighter. I don't want to blink and be five years down the road. Which is where my sense of urgency comes in. Time is moving to fast, and there is NOTHING I can do to stop it. I remember what Pastor Chris says and it rings truer in my ears now than ever before. "Heaven and Hell are a reality, and that should push you into ACTION." It's scary, and we/I need to do something about it. I am accountable to my sphere of influence.

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Let's go change the world.

Vivian